Film Reviews


By • Dec 10th, 2008 •

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You don’t have to be a teenage girl to know Robert Pattinson is the sexiest heartthrob to emerge on screen since J.D. jumped on Thelma’s bed.

I know plenty of vampires (and I do not mean those silly “Psychic Vampires”). They are the men and women who draw blood all day, every day, working in doctor’s offices and medical labs. They know blood. I have my own blood extractor. I’ve become addicted to giving blood. My tech uses a very fine needle and never fails to get to the vein the first time. She gives me an extra vial for my own personal use. I need it, I tell her, for my magic spells. She didn’t even flinch. So I recently felt emboldened to ask: “What I really need is the blood of a prostitute.”* She said: “Well, we’re in Las Vegas. It can’t be very hard to find one.” She agreed to keep a vial for me if a prostitute comes in.

Anything can happen in Vegas.

I have an altar to my favorite Brazilian orisha, Exú. Yes, I give tribute to Exú with money, whiskey and cigars. But there is nothing like an offering of one’s own blood.

Anne Rice’s iconic vampires were hard to find aristocrats in Jerry Seinfeld puffy shirts. Alan Ball‘s HBO series, based on The Southern Vampire Mysteries by Charlaine Harris, are vampire Civil War veterans who have come out in the open when the U.S. Supreme Court deemed it unconstitutional not to grant vampires their civil rights. Japan created synthetic blood so there is no need to suck the blood of the homeless anymore. I love this series! There is a lot of nudity, Cajun sex, and blood. (Vampires Bill (Stephen Moyer) and Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) are menacing and barely capable of suppressing their blood hunger.)

Author Stephanie Meyer’s young adult vampires are gorgeous high school students. I’ve read “Twilight”, “New Moon,” and “Eclipse”. They are poorly written, sloppy, repetitious, but addictively interesting. There is no sex or blood drinking. Vampire Edward Cullen is a 17 year old with an obsessive, loyal and chaste attraction to the lonely new girl in town, Bella (Kristin Stewart). He’s more beautiful than a 20 year old Brad Pitt. He’s got supernatural powers. He can fly.

Bella decides to go live with her police chief father Charlie Swan (Billy Burke) in the cold, gray, foggy Pacific Northwest when her mother marries a young baseball player. Bella feels like an unwelcome bench sitter.

The Cullens, Edward (Robert Pattinson), Alice (Ashley Greene), Emmett (Kellan Lutz), and Rosalie (Nikki Reed) are four high school students who keep to themselves. When Bella sits next to the brooding, enigmatic, gorgeous Edward in biology class, sparks fly. Though not at first, of course.

Edward rescues Bella from sudden death and soon confesses to her that he and his brother and sisters are vampires led by strangely feline Dr. Carlisle Cullen (Peter Facinelli) and his homemaker wife, Esme (Elizabeth Reaser). The saintly Dr. Cullen has controlled his lust for blood and now “does good,” working in the local hospital. His brood of four have learned how to live among humans and not kill them.

The U.S. is infested with vampires, especially a maundering group that stop off in Washington, James (I hope he comes back from the dead dead), Victoria, and Laurent (Cam Gigandet, Rachelle Lefevre, Edi Gathegi). Jacob (Taylor Lautner), Bella’s new friend, tells her that the local Native Americans have made an unholy truce with the vampires long, long ago.

Why is there such a huge resurgence of the vampire theme? My capsule psychological opinion is that the obsession with blood goes back to our Reptilian Brain. All religions held blood sacrifice and child sacrifice as a vital, necessary part of worship. Living in the era of AIDS for the past 25 years, we have been made terrified of blood. But it goes against our primal spirit honoring the power and significance of blood. We need, we must have, a relationship, however bizarre, with blood. The AIDS terror kept us horrified that we may come in contact with someone else’s blood. The return of the vampire myth gives us a satisfactory outlet for this primeval need for communion with blood.

Kristen Stewart is right as Bella, but Pattinson gives the perfect mix of divine beauty, strangeness and boyish youth without a trace of looking silly. Director Catherine Hardwicke, who did the stunning THIRTEEN, and who could have easily given TWILIGHT a darker edge, throws the weight on Pattinson to deliver the eroticism and hope of dangerous sex to come. Pattinson delivers and is the heart and soul of TWILIGHT. Chris Pine, as the young James T. Kirk in the “Star Trek” reboot, is going to have to stand up to comparisons with Pattinson.

After seeing Pattinson in TWILIGHT I can’t wait to see what he does in LITTLE ASHES as the young Salvador Dali. I’ve read a great deal about Dali’s very strange sexual proclivities. Is Pattinson’s rabid fan base ready for Dali’s disturbing and well-dcoumented sex life?

* Required for certain esoteric Tibetan tantric spells.

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One Response »

  1. This is a first a vampire film reviewed by other vampire…..wonderful and somewhat ironic…

    please try and review more of these as it is of interest on many levels…..

    THE BLOOD IS THE LIFE…..sweetie

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