Film Reviews


By • Apr 20th, 2001 •

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I want to publicly apologize to everyone involved in DRIVEN for my review that basically said the film had no story and no characters. I hadn’t seen CROCODILE DUNDEE IN LOS ANGELES yet. I still think DRIVEN had no story or characters, but compared to DUNDEE, DRIVEN is Melville at his peak. Watching DUNDEE was like sitting through your grandparents wheelchair tour of Los Angeles. Movies are sacred to me – I can sit through anything. I never eat or move in my seat. I never get up. I go to the theater very early to get the perfect seat. During DUNDEE, I actually hid my face in my hands and tried to go to sleep. I feel, for all the money Paul Hogan made on CROCODILE DUNDEE and its sequel, he should have gotten some writers to think up a story for the third installation. I’m insulted.

The movie opens in the Australian Outback. Mick Dundee (Paul Hogan) shows tourists around since killing crocodiles is now outlawed. He has a 9-year-old-son with his retired reporter girlfriend (wife Linda Kozlowski). Her father asks her to return to Los Angeles for awhile to work as an investigative reporter. Mick babysits the kid in L.A., going to the park and taking the Universal tour. Mick also walks around L.A. and again stumbles into and right out of a gay bar. (Apparently the producers didn’t want to shoot an indoor bar scene). Mick is almost mugged. Mick is not a hick anymore, just old and befuddled. Imagine the impact of trying to figure out a remote control device and the whirlpool features on a bathtub! Spending ten years with Linda did nothing to class this guy up. I was surprised he used a fork while eating. Imaginary dialogue I might have overheard if I was a DUNDEE insider: “Linda wants a scene where she is the center of attention. And she wants to be dressed regally.” So the obedient “writers” came up with this: Mick didn’t marry Linda during all those years raising a kid in Australia. At the end of the film they decide to get married in L.A. Linda is the blushing bride in a white dress. (Couldn’t these two have gotten People magazine [or the Enquirer] to pay the big bucks for photos of their real-life wedding? Having the unsuspecting public pay to see you married has got to be the height of Hollywood hubris).

Yes, there is a feeble subplot about Linda hunting for some movie company dirt. She gets to wear designer clothes and look like a businesswoman. Mick takes a job as a movie extra so he can walk around and investigate.

Paul Hogan is a very rich, likable guy. I’m sorry to say goodbye to his movie career.

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